Dreams we all have them and we don’t always get them.
So am I talking literal dreams or our hopes and desires.
I am going to talk about dreams the ones we have when we sleep.
So why do we dream is it because we have things on our minds or is it because of a desire or want. It can be all of these things but sometimes it may be only one thing unfortunately it is our dream and not every one can see or know what our dreams are about for me sometimes I wonder why I have the dreams I do but have trouble understanding why I am having these dreams.
So I just go with it if that are good dreams well that’s great and do I have to understand why or what they are about.
No at least when you dream it means you have something to look forward to.
What’s wrong with me
what’s wrong with me that’s a question I think all of this at some stage ask ourselves yes what’s wrong with me the answer to that nothing there is nothing wrong with you there’s nothing wrong with me but there is other people‘s ideas about what we should be okay we should be why we do what we do and what we say what we say.
But you know what what we do what we say who we are that’s us nobody else can define that nobody else can tell us what we should be who we are what we think what we say it’s own choice so remember when you say what’s wrong with me nothing it’s what’s wrong with other people why do they have to have an opinion about me.
Well the answer to that question is they don’t I don’t have to have opinion about me who I am what I look like what I say I’m just one person in the whole world why am I so important to anybody else what’s so interesting about me it’s somebody else’s gotta say something what do you something just because of me I’ve said it once before and I’ll say it again I am who I am and nothing can change that we are all different.
So remember nothing is wrong with me or anybody else so I don’t think what’s wrong with me because there’s nothing that is wrong with you or anybody else we all are who we are.
why it’s a funny title
Depression and anxiety we don’t like it and we really don’t want to but unfortunately it’s something we have to deal with every day.
Sometimes I wish I didn’t have depression and sometimes I just wish I didn’t have anxiety but I do and I live with that every day it doesn’t affect who I am but it does affect how I feel.
I never asked to be a transgender woman it’s who I am and it’s something I live with but it hurts when other people judge you or don’t understand that you are a woman.
and in so many ways I am no different to any other woman.
I really wish that things were different here in Australia and it was easier and cheaper to get surgery but unfortunately it’s not.
the government could help us more but choose not to as we really are a Minority and at the end of the day who cares about us who cares that we hate feeling different to everyone else who cares that we wish we weren’t.
Well you know what we care and we have a voice.
I am back stronger than ever
About three weeks ago I had a mental breakdown I thought I’d lost everything but it turns out I didn’t.
Two people who I thought cared for me the most turned out not to care at all yes that hurts but it shows what type of people they are. not somebody I want to be friends with.
I finally broke
well like most things in life we have good times we have bad times but most of the time we carry on.
Unfortunately for me my teather broke I lost my support and spiraled Out of control I reached out for help and I am now getting some help I had to take myself to hospital as I couldn’t go on.
We all need friends and family we all need help sometimes please don’t give up life is precious and we may feel like nobody cares and it may be true for some but we need to remember there is always someone who cares.
well it’s been some time since I last blogged things haven’t been good I started work well you would think that’s a good thing but no it’s not I can no longer do some things I used to do and love.
I feel worthless and often not happy with how things are.
Don’t get me wrong I love 💕 being a woman I don’t have any problems with that it’s work and life that’s hard at the moment I am seeing people who help with these problems but so far nothing is helping a lot yet.
Like all journeys there are ups and downs I do not like the downs but I am finding out that I have more downs then ups. But I will push on I am strong I am woman hear me roar.
Love can happen
well it’s been a while since I have posted anything and there is a reason for that. They say love can happen and for a long time as a transgender woman I wasn’t sure that it would.
I have been trying to finder someone that would love me for me but for a long time I was finding that this wasn’t going to happen until a few weeks ago.
There is now someone in my life that is giving me hope that finally love can happen we seam to be very comparable as a couple but until we can meet and see each other in person I am hopeful that we will both happy to have each other.
It's a slow road
Well it's been over a year and a half since I started hrt and the changes are still going on.
My body hair has reduced dramatically my facial hair even though reduced is still a small pain to deal with but definitely better then before I am more accepted as the woman I am which is great and on a plus side now I finally have my replacement birth certificate which says female hooray 😁 now to work on getting srs.
Then I will be happy woman.
Why we try
Hello it's been a while again is that a good thing or a bad thing.
It's been one year and five months on hormones anyone who didn't know me before accept me as a cis woman as people my understand this makes me feel great and that what I am doing is right.
Then why is it now when I get called him or he or get told I was born a boy it really gets on my nerve I know what I am. I wish that it wasn't so much I do my very best to be the woman i am I can't help how I was born I wish it was different but it's not.
I accept anyone and how they are why is it that others can't do the same for me. I know we are all individuals with a different upbringings as well as understandings about things.
Let's hope that things change and improve even more I live in hope. Oneday at a time step by step.
well I thought things were going better before I go to far I need to say I am surprised by this as much as you will be. Let's talk sexuality I find that as hormones in my body affect me more and more that my interests in men and the male form attract and excite me I still love women more then men that hasn't changed.
Now back to the reason for my post.
At the end of last week my friend was talking to a man that was looking for a friend she said she had a couple one of them was me I asked if he new I was transgender at that moment the answer was no but my friend talked to him and came back to me with he seams not to mind.
I sent him a txt we seamed to hit it off and he asked if I would like to meet him understandably I was hesetent to do this and again asked my friend how much did he know about me.
She sugested that she should talk with him more about me. The next day I get a txt from him asking about whether I would like to meet him for a drink. Let's just say we talked about me and being transgender. He decided he wasn't interested in a girl like me.
So what I had hoped would be a nice thing to happen has turned out to not happen. So yes love is hard
what is hard is that I am as much a woman as any of my girlfriends but still I was rejected for being the woman I am.
first year girl 2015 a journey I have just begun.